Pause at the threshold
There's a pregnant pause at the threshold. This is a seeding moment before the gestation and eventual birth. Compliments of the Dweller at the Threshold - Saturn.
A week from now, I’ll be landing in Brazil to visit my mother, who is ailing. Going to Brazil has always felt complex and unsettling in the best of times. For many, a ‘return home’ feels like replenishment for the soul. I’m not one of those folks. I have a complex relationship with the ‘motherland’ in more ways than one.
This trip feels like a descent into the Underworld, the very stuff I’ve often talked about. But now I’m the one who stands at the gates, facing the gravitas of Dweller of the Threshold - not one of my clients.
I can smell the whiff of initiation because to see an aging parent with health issues burning faster through their thread of life, as given by the Fates, brings up a jumble of conflicting emotions and thoughts.
So, while there, I won’t be writing. Focus on the path will leave little oxygen for creativity. I’ll return to the digital pen once I return home - here.
Swallowed Tenderness
In my last missive, I wrote about Saturn, and here he is again. He’s top of mind, especially since he’s just gone Stationary Retrograde (June 29, 2024) until he will only Station Direct on November 15, 2024. But only entirely out of these retrograde degrees in February 2025 - nine months from now: a gestation time.
Saturn is also top of mind, because I’m the daughter of a quintessential Capricorn Mother. I’ve become a student of Saturn early in life living with him in my first house, giving my Gemini cluster its gravitas. From an early age, I’ve tried to do Saturn’s work and be a ‘good student’ to this persnickety teacher, but I won’t lie; I also fear Saturn’s, shall we say, more challenging moods. Right now, it’s one of these times for me.
I’ve also seen from several of my friends and clients who have/had Capricorn Mothers that we’re in a ‘special’ group of our own - perhaps somewhat trauma-bonded.
One of the similarities I’ve noticed in the stories of daughters of Capricorn Mothers is a wounding of a more generative and tender experience of motherhood. This, to me, reflects one of the wounds of patriarchy on women, where much like Chronos of Greek Myth, the tenderness of the offspring is ‘swallowed up’ to appease the fearful deities of the ‘realities of this world.’
Meanwhile, the mother is herself ‘swallowed up’ to do the work of absent fathers or mothers in a world that didn’t give them enough resources, thus forgoing their own creative tenderness in exchange for survival.
This is Mother Wound passed down to us, who in turn have to release the swallowed creative tenderness, much like Zeus had to do with his father Chronos - give him a drugged drink so he could ‘vomit’ out what had been imprisoned inside.
If we could only give our Saturnian mothers the blessing of some plant medicine!
Perhaps I’m being harsh, but I can also see the creatively affirming aspects of being raised by Saturn: discipline, a grounded relationship with time, the ability to navigate this ‘sensate’ world, the development of integrity, self-confidence, and responsibility, which in a healthy manner means ‘to be able to respond’ appropriately to what is truly necessary.
The challenges are related to those with a tender imagination and subtle abilities to perceive the unseen and unspoken elements that our diseased Saturnian world continues to dismiss as ‘unrealistic,’ ‘soft,’ and ‘weak.’
Saturn can help us develop wisdom that comes from ‘walking the talk’ and maturing with the wisdom of time. Unheathly, it can swallow up our creativity, blocking life from flourishing in an armor of fear, avoidance, and denial—a bitter picture.
Into the chrysalis, we go.
One thing I often say to clients is that Saturn delivers. Do the work, and you will be rewarded. Slack off, and you’ll reap what you didn’t sow. Saturn wasn’t only Father Time, but also an agricultural god of the golden age. That’s why a lot of its symbolism is around planting seeds, tending to the earth, and harvesting what was seeded.
In a way, we can see this in our relationships - it’s hard to heal what was sown poorly. The harvest may be uneven, brittle, and dry—or bountiful and tender in its juiciness.
Saturn is also related to ENDINGS. Think of its scythe, the same as the Grim Reaper. Until the discovery of Uranus, Saturn was the last planet seen with the naked eye. The buck stopped with Saturn. Now we have Pluto, and its more psychological death/rebirth analogies. But Saturn still has something to say about endings because it comes to ‘trimming the fat’ of what is unnecessary for the path forward.
When we approach the threshold, Saturn, as its Dweller, has us stop, show our credentials, and move through with only what is essential for the journey ahead. This makes me think about the idea that every transition into a liminal space starts with an ending - a death of sorts. We can’t take forward what will not be part of what we’re becoming. No wonder Saturn is also related to depression since endings speak to the sadness of death in its many permutations.
However, as the astrologer Erin Sullivan writes in her Retrograde Planets book:
“Not all Saturn stationary-retrograde periods coincides with endings. Although externally they may appear to do so, they are truly a beginning of an entirely new relationship with one’s environment and one’s inner feelings of power and authority. The station begins a process in which a container, a chrysalis, is constructed, within which mysterious unconscious processes begin to metamorphose. … what emerges at the end of the nine-month gestation cycle is considerably different from what was imagined.”
When in a storm - keep driving through.
Years ago, one of my mentors told me that if I’m ever caught in a rainstorm, it’s best to keep driving instead of stopping and waiting at the side of the road. Slow and steady seemed to be her advice.
As Saturn has just stationed retrograde, and I’m about to see what my work ahead is regarding my mother’s ailing life force, I can take solace in Saturn's wisdom. Squirming right now will not do. The threshold awaits, and I can trust that I have support from the seen and the unseen realms.
It’s part of our human nature to avoid and delay at the threshold. We’re not graceful in going gently towards the liminal. Our Mars may fight valiantly, our Sun avoid, and our Moon cling to old securities, but in the end, Saturn’s scythe cuts through all the outmoded, damaging values and thought patterns that are way past their sell-by-date. It’s the proper trimming that allows the rose bushes to grow and blossom again.
Now on to you.
What is going into a chrysalis in your life?
What threshold are you standing in pause?
What might be on the other side?
Traversing the Liminal can feel lonely, but through sharing our experiences, we can guide each other home. Share your experience in the comments.
Vote on this easy election. Sans drama.
This is an easy election: no debates, contestation, or drama. I promise!
And it would help me a lot. Some of you have voted already, but I’d like to hear from more of you.
Below are the two options for upcoming online workshops/classes I’d like to create for late Summer/early Fall (loose timeline), but first, I’d love to see what resonates with you. Read the (temporary) blurbs and cast your vote!
* The Astrology of the Liminal - Honoring the Planetary Gatekeepers:
We're living in very liminal times, where our old ways of being and doing no longer serve, while the new is yet to root down. Liminal times beckon us to descend into what the ancients called the Underworld, the realm of death and rebirth.
For the ancients, it would be unwise to descend without preparation or guidance. In this class, we'll explore this landscape, the stages of initiation, and how we can honor the planetary archetypes that serve as our guides.
* On Liminality & Purpose
Our relationship to work and our livelihood is in a liminal space in a post-pandemic world. More and more folks are questioning their assumptions of livelihood and the place of purpose, meaning, and even love in their working lives.
In this class, we'll explore how astrology can help us at this liminal intersection of purpose, livelihood, and love. Because in times of great change, we're all called to serve in some meaningful way.
This is an easy peasy election, and my Muses and I will definitely appreciate you exercising your creative citizenship.
Thank you!
Our next theme for The Wheel of Myth is INTEGRITY.
What if our choices are not what others want from us?
How do we stay true to our inner selves when others try to thwart our path and choices?
How do we stand by our decisions even when they aren’t accepted?
It’s time to choose what is ours to do instead of being victims of the whim of others. This takes courage and, at times, a bad reputation too.
First, I send you the warmest wishes for your journey, Vanessa. May it be easy but soulful.
Just after Saturn stationed, Neptune stationed opposite my ASC nearly to the minute, and I had a bad fall in my yard, straining and spraining both my legs. So I am now very stationery myself and trying not to be too cranky!
I’ve just subscribed, so I don’t lose you in the soup of communicators on Substack, I’m still finding my way around and if I don’t put a mark on your door I will never find it again. I started reading this just to see what you write about Vanessa, after chatting in notes. But a skim read won’t do. I will save this for later and get back to your very intriguing writing